Going through versus trying to go around the problem…

Honey, let it out. Be pissed if you’re pissed. Be scared if you are scared. Be Real. Pushing every negative emotion to the back burner means that those pots are still simmering

This is from Danea Horn’s book Chronic Resilience. I don’t know that I’ve seen this important self awareness/management concept communicated so succinctly.

What's cookin'?
What’s cookin’?

Allowing and honoring emotions is not the same as wallowing in them. Allowing emotions (which might look like naming them, acknowledging, and simply being with them) is frankly, being respectful to your inner self. And by doing this, we accept this part of ourselves, form a relationship with these emotions, and can go forward with the new information (and perspective) we otherwise would not have.

This is one skill helping you to go through versus going around (which is really another version of avoidance) whatever seems to be happening (or not happening) that seems to be thwarting your expectations and/or desires.

Simple but not easy. It will likely take practice to undo some habits of reacting.  And that’s the problem of not telling yourself the truth about what you’re feeling – that sets the stage for saying or doing something that only later we reflect as “I wasn’t myself”. Yes, you were yourself – you were your scared and angry (less mature?) self in denial about what you were really feeling. And frankly, when we’re in that state, we don’t even have access to the more reasonable parts of who we ALSO are…

The next time emotion rings your bell, your choices can be to;

  1. Accept
  2. Suppress
  3. Wallow

Only one of those choices will keep you moving forward AND moving in the direction you keep telling yourself you want to go – and keep your back burners from overflowing…  ~Z