In the last post I wrote, “We barely know how to take care of ourselves so why should we expect others to get it?”.
And I certainly don’t mean to trivialize the difficulty of setting boundaries, or of saying “no”. It may be the right thing to do for you and your health, but doing so can have an impact on your relationships that is uncomfortable, unpleasant or just plain nasty. Saying “no” to people tends not to bring out their best. But that’s not your problem!
But here’s the deal: anything other than standing up for yourself and what you know to be true for you in the moment is CHOOSING to be a victim, and living from a place of weakness, not personal power. And we need all the personal power we can muster to reinvent a lifestyle that works, in spite of our ongoing physical and/or mental challenges.
Each time you “go along” with somebody for the sake of keeping the peace/friendship/job etc., you lose a little bit of your “self”, and it gets replaced by somebody else’s version of who you are (or who they think you ought to be). The more you inhabit the ambiguity of who you are and not knowing or believing in what matters to you enough to stand your ground… the less you’ll be able to make (and live with) the hard choices that enable you to live the life you deserve. This is one of the big blessing/curse factors of being chronically ill.
You know what? If you need to (at least mentally) blame someone else to start setting some good boundaries, do it for now. Because a poorly set boundary is better than no boundary at all!
And trust that there’s a better way and a big emotional payoff for learning how NOT to make others wrong to be right! ~Z